When I set out to record the songs that make up the Pieces EP, I hadn’t considered the emotional terrain I would be required to traverse following it’s release. The EP was released this past Tuesday, to what has been an unbelievably warm and enthusiastic response and somehow in the wake of it I find myself afloat and disoriented, as if I am dangling from a great height precariously, on the eve of the release party.
Such bright lights cast such stark and stunning shadows. The movement from the places of logical and strategic decision making required to plan recordings, releases etc. to the counter points of vulnerability and fragility required to remain open and present for the performing and presentation of said recordings has caused me to contemplate the origins of the songs and my feelings surrounding the notion of being strong where matters of the heart are concerned.
I keep tracing my thoughts and questioning in a loop that leads me, inevitably, to planting my feet firmly in the belief that vulnerability is a strength that holds great potential and power. This thought moves me to open the floodgates further and push on.
In a lot of ways the release of this EP finds me recalibrating my knowledge of self. Remembering my comfort in this world….embracing the threads of familiarity. I took a long break from the level of whirlwind sharing and immense intimacy that performing and sharing invite into one’s life. At times even the kindest response can feel so overwhelming, and make the assured decision to be open and present and appreciative, leave me feeling like a deer in headlights. All of this is also forcing me remember how to ask for help. How to assemble a team out of my community and not feel like I am burdening the people I cherish.
In retrospect I feel a bit naive that I didn’t imagine the possible emotional upheaval that comes with digging up your history in song……opening the attic windows and shining the spotlight on to the dust and shadows is proving to be an illuminating experience, like holding a million little mirrors up to my heart so that I can reflect upon it’s current trajectory.
After a walk and some tears tempered by the cold and pollen laced air here in Vancouver it’s clear that I am elated to spend the next little while dancing in the dust shower below the lights glow.
See you tomorrow, fellow dreamers! Thank you for continuing to make room for me and my little songs in your hearts. I feel so blessed to feel so overwhelmed. Tomorrow night is ours!